Social Injuries, Self-Honesty, and the Need for a Fill In

Unknown Speaker

It is like, okay, so, so you are sitting in this, this little sandbox, right? And you are just, you are just a kid, but, but maybe you are getting a little older, and you are playing, and you start to feel like the neighbors are just, they are just staring at you through the window. Like, what is this kid doing in the sandbox? Is he, is he too old to be in there? Why is he talking to himself? And suddenly, um, you just, you freeze. You feel like you are going to be made fun of, like they are, they are going to laugh at you. And, and so you just, you, you hide it. You pack that whole, that whole feeling away on this, like, this deserted island in your mind and you think, I can handle it. I do not need to tell my mom, or my dad, or a teacher. I can take it on my own. But then, you know, years later, you are, you are just bawling in your room and you do not even fully know why. It is, it is wild how those social injuries just, they just sit there, unresolved.

Roxanne

Mm, yeah. It is, it is that, um, that isolation. You know, you, you think you are protecting yourself by keeping it quiet, like, oh, I am tough, I can, I can carry this. But really, you are just, you are leaving that hurt on an abandoned island. And for me, like, in my wellness practice, if you do not acknowledge that, that emotional wound, it, it literally shows up in your body. Your, your nervous system stays in this, like, high alert, survival mode. And you cannot, you cannot sleep, you cannot recover. It is like trying to heal a physical injury but, but you are just pretending the bone is not broken. You, you need, um, sometimes you just need help to, to straighten it out.

Unknown Speaker

Totally, totally. And, and for me, like, growing up in the industry, my sandbox was, like, literally a massive public stage. I had millions of neighbors staring at me, judging every little thing, and I felt like I had to be this polished, perfect pop star. I could not show any normal, like, adolescent struggle because, because they would just, they would run me into the ground. And, and when you are too nice, or, or too timid, you just, you get run over. You need, you need a, a fill in. You know? Like, someone to, to step up and, and chew ass for you when you are too nervous to do it yourself.

Roxanne

Wait, a, a fill in? That is, um, that is a really interesting way to put it. Like a, a protector?

Unknown Speaker

Yeah, like, like a dad, or, or a buddy like Brian Lance, or, or even an advocate like Jan Alpers. Just, just someone who, who sticks up for you and says, hey, this is not right, and straightens things out because your own brain is just, it is too frozen, or you are too nice to do it. If you do not have that, that fill in, you just, you get run into the dirt and called a weirdo or, or strange.

Roxanne

Right, and when the, the actual authority figures, like, like the teachers, or, or the principal at, at, say, Rockwell City, when they do not act like that watchdog, when they bypass the bullying instead of straightening it out, it leaves this, this lasting bitterness. It is a, a coldness, right? Because the school is supposed to protect you. And when they do not, you feel, um, you feel totally abandoned. It is like you are, you are waiting for a rescue that never comes, and that, that social injury just, it just festers.

Unknown Speaker

It really does. It leaves you feeling like, like you have to seek retaliation, or, or you just get so, so cold. You survive it, sure, like, you get the diploma, you graduate early, which is, like, a total miracle, but the, the dots still do not connect. You are still angry at that place, and you have every right to be pissed off.

Roxanne

It is like, okay, so there is this, this raw idea that, um, that stripping yourself naked in front of your own self, like, in your own mind, is actually harder than doing it in public. Like, the, the naked mirror is the ultimate hurdle. Because, you know, we can edit ourselves for the world, we can put on the, the perfect skin routine, the fitness routine, the, the, um, the polished persona. But when you are alone in your room, with no distraction, can you actually, like, look at your raw, unedited self? For me, if I cannot do that, if I cannot be totally honest about where my energy is, or, or what I am avoiding, then all the red light therapy and, and supplements in the world, they are just, they are just bandaids. You have to start with that, that scary, naked self honesty.

Unknown Speaker

Oh, man, that is so heavy, but it is, it is so true. Strip yourself naked alone before you do it in public. It is, it is terrifying. Like, I remember, um, there is this story about coming out to a friend, Colby, and, and just, like, fully expecting him to just hang up the phone, or, or retreat, you know? Because you are so used to people breaking your trust. But, but Colby did not retreat. He, he kept talking. He stayed on the line. And that, that breakthrough, it is like, wow. Admitting who you are, admitting you are gay, or, or just dropping the edited version of you, and, and having someone stay? It is, it is like the best, most healthy dopamine your brain can get. It is healing, man.

Roxanne

That is beautiful, Justin. Truly. It, it reminds me of, um, what the therapist Duncan says about survival. Like, staying closed off, keeping the shield up, it is not just, it is not just weakness. It is actually an evolutionary survival mechanism. Because historically, if you show your hiding spot, there are dangerous, toxic people, like, like narcs or tattletales, who just want to catch you. They do not want to help you heal, they want to, um, they want to find your vulnerabilities and use them. So your brain freezes to, to keep you safe.

Unknown Speaker

Exactly! They want to keep you as, like, a target. Call you names, call you Screech, refuse to use your real name, Ryan, because they cannot let you have your day in the sun. But, but you have to let yourself win, you know? You have to find the, the healthy people, the, the sadies, the oscars, the aarons, who leave hope in your life. Admitting the truth, even if it takes, like, some prep work and practice, it is just, it is so much better to brag yourself up than to be depressed. You gotta let yourself win.

Roxanne

Yes, absolutely. Finding that, that safe connection, whether it is, um, therapy or just people who understand you without judgment, that is, that is how you quiet the anxiety and finally, finally survive the sandbox. It is, it is everything.

Unknown Speaker

For real. Alright, let us, uh, let us wrap it there. Good talking, roxanne.

Roxanne

Yeah, good chatting. See ya.