How Childhood Power Struggles Shape Adult Authority

Speaker 1

This is My First Podcast, where every episode brings a new idea to life. So, so I was thinking about this, like this teacher, Todd, right? You, you look at this guy who is just like totally unraveling in front of the classroom and, and instead of thinking, "Oh, this guy is just a bad teacher," you, you immediately go to, "Man, he must have been like completely torn apart and dominated when he was growing up." Like, that is such a heavy, heavy thing for a kid to project onto an adult. You know? It is like you see your own struggle in, in, in their raw anger. Hmm. Yeah. It, it is like projective identification, right? Like you are, you are in this hyper-aggressive schoolyard environment where everything is about power and, and you cannot handle your own vulnerability. So you, you, you, you basically throw it onto the guy at the blackboard. You, you look at Todd and, and you do not see an authority figure. You see like a mirror of your own fear. Totally. Totally. Because I mean, think about the hierarchy at Manson Junior High. It was like so intense. You had like Mr. Booth and Mr. Simon doing music appreciation and, and Dave Burks. Even Brian, the VOAG teacher, they were all like these dominant male figures, you know? And, and the boys in class, we were just like getting constantly yelled at. It, it felt like the girls, like they did not get it the same way. Like Mrs. Leonards or Mrs. Nelson, they, they... It was just different. The, the boys were always in this like constant fragile performance of trying to, to, to survive the dominance game. Right. Right. It, it, it is like the male authority is not even about actual discipline. It is just, uh, a continuation of the schoolyard, you know? The, the same power struggles, just with a, a paycheck. And, and if you are a kid who is already feeling like totally outnumbered, you start to see every single interaction as like a win or lose fight. It is exhausting for the nervous system. Oh, I know that feeling so well. Like early on in my career when I was like just a young kid in the music industry, man, you are surrounded by these older dominant male executives and managers who are like constantly trying to control your every move, and, and at first you are just terrified. You think they have all the power. But then as you grow up, you start to see like, wait a minute, this is... This guy who is screaming at everyone in the meeting, he is actually just terrified of losing control. He is projecting his own history of being dominated and outnumbered onto a teenager. It is, it is a wild thing to realize that the person holding the power is just as wounded as you are. Wow, that, that is so spot on. It is like you realize the big, scary boss is just playing out his own childhood, um, drama and, and once you see that, the whole illusion of, of their absolute power just like completely crumbles. It really does. And, and it makes you look at where that whole loop starts, you know? Like in the family. If you are, if you are the baby of the family like I was, and you have like no sisters, just older brothers, like the narrator had James and Stacy who were like super dominant brothers and, and your mom is literally the only female in the house. It is like this, this total, uh, echo chamber of male energy. Yes. Yes. The, the sibling sex ratio is like so massive for how we develop. There is this really interesting research by Wightman and Christensen from 2008. They, they talk about this concept of sibling differentiation, and they actually found that, uh, sibling differentiation can promote closeness in sibling relationships. But, but when you are in an all-male household with no opposite sex sibling to, to act as a buffer, you do not get that healthy differentiation. Instead, it becomes this like high competition, coercive pressure cooker where power and, and dominance are literally the only languages spoken. You do not learn how to connect without, without competing. That is, that is so crazy. Sibling differentiation can promote closeness in sibling relationships. Wow. So like without that sister to create a, a different dynamic, you are just like locked in this endless wrestling match. And, and then on top of that, you have this like spooky regional lore, like this, this UFO story that is completely male-dominated. It is like even the aliens are part of the boys club, you know? It makes you feel completely like outnumbered and, and powerless on an existential level. Ugh, totally. It, it is like the mystery of the universe itself gets gatekept by these aggressive male on male dynamics. There is no room for, for softness or, or wondering. It is just like you are last on the list always and, and somatically when you are constantly outnumbered and, and waiting for the next blow, your, your nervous system just goes into a chronic low-grade survival freeze. You, you literally stop breathing fully because safety was never like distributed equally in your world. Yeah. It is like you are always on guard just waiting for the vibe to shift. It makes you wonder, like how do we even begin to unlearn that? How do adults recover from a childhood where safety was a luxury you could not afford? Honestly, that is the, the ultimate question, is it not? How, how do we finally let our guard down when the, the classroom and the living room both taught us to, to hide? It is, uh, it is a long journey back to the body. Anyway, really good chatting about this, Justin. Let us catch up next week. For sure. Talk soon.